I am in over my head

Have you ever felt like you were drowning? Yea, that's where I am these days. I am dealing with something pretty huge and I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone about it because the backlash would be insane. But I am at the point I can't keep it in much longer either. I am drowning in emotions and pain. I can't figure out which way is up and which way is down. I want so desperatly to go up, but everytime I see the light this thing gets in the way and blocks the light. I am scared, lost and confused. I want to get away from it all but have no way out. I feel like I am serving life without the possibility of parole. I keep telling myself that God will get me through it and He will stop it, but so far He hasn't. He keeps standing back and letting it happen. I am afraid that one of these days it's going to be too late for me fix the problem myself because my faith keeps telling me to let God handle it. I am beginning to wonder if maybe I have pushed God away too much in the past. Maybe he doesn't want to help me since I wouldn't believe in him when I should have. So much of the past I believed when I was scared. But I haven't been for a while now. My faith hasn't waivered one bit, I mean sure I get upset/angry with God, but who doesn't every now and then? It's hard to believe in something when you aren't sure what is comming around the corner (I know, I know that is faith, but you get the idea). I am just begging for Him to show me the way to fix this but He doesn't seem to hear me. Maybe the answer is so simple that I am missing it completely (wouldn't be the first time on that either). I know most of you who read this are prayer-type people. I am asking that you will pray for me. I know it's an odd request, but please pray for an end to this, I don't know how much more I can take.