Saturday, September 5, 2009

Odd things

These past couple of days has been really weird for me. Thanks to the wonderful world of myspace I have gotten in touch with a couple of people that I haven't talked to in years. The first one Jeremy, I haven't seen or spoken to in about 7 or 8 years. We dated for a couple of months when I was in college. It was nice catching up with him and hearing how he was doing. And of course we fell back into our friendship with ease and laughed and joked about sexy fireman. Then, being the smartass that I can be, decided to add Josh as a friend, figuring he wouldn't add me because he hated me so much (and his wife was very insecure about me since she knew the magnetic pull we once had to each other). Well, he did add me and when I sent him a message asking him how he was doing and about his wife and family he responded telling me to call him. Hesitantly, I did. Well, it was very interesting and enlighting. We talked off and on most of the day and he told me what was going on in his life. It was nice getting to catch up with him. And the best part is, I think the spell has finally been broken! Every time him and I broke up when we dated, I hesitated talking to him again because I knew that old feelings would get brought back up and things that shouldn't happen would happen. Well, this whole time of talking to him, NOTHING came back. I am at peace with everything that ever happened between us. It was nice being able to talk to him without thinking what if this had happened or what if that or why didn't I or why did I. He is having a rough time right now and I have been in his shoes. The only difference is when I was going through it I never had anyone tell me "it's normal to feel that way" or "it's ok to be upset or hurt right now". And if I can provide that for him, I gladly will. We did talk about the past a little bit, and laughed about stupid things we did or said and some of the good times we had. But never once asked the dumb question one of us used to always ask which was "do you ever wonder what if ________?" (any number of things would be in that blank). We both have grown up and know that our relationship was a volitile relationship. Together we were like pouring gas on a fire. It's hard to believe that we dated off and on for almost 6 years! I always worried about talking to him about what could happen, but not anymore. I am still not 110% convinced that if given the opprotunity to be alone if I would do it just because I know our history (sorry to say it, but hell he was good in bed and that's where we always ened, but I am certain that I have no left over feelings or wonderings in my mind. *sigh* I think I am going a bit looney!

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